Saturday, December 31, 2011

To let the "true" me show

As 2011 cones to an end, I look back at the year and am amazed at how much can happen.... so quickly too. This year came with it's ups and downs, but as you can tell by the fact I'm writing this, I survived. If I was truly honest I would say I have grown a lot!

This is shown ( to me at least) by the fact that someone I met at the lowest point of this year for me told me the other day that she's a change in me. I have experienced so much this year that I am a stronger and slightly more confident person. Though she did tell me that she knows of the one major reason why the " true" me isn't coming out. But that is what I am working on starting in 2012. For reals this time.
I have a plan.
I have an accountability person.

I am ready to let myself live.

I don't look back on this past year and regret things done or not done. Instead I feel the change that occurred me. It feels good to "take charge" and not let things pass by.

One step at I time.

One day at a time.

I welcome 2012 with open arms.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

To no longer be just a pretty smile

Well after a really long sabbatical I'm back.. I know I know where have I been? Lol...

As the new year approaches the normal of resolution creations begin. for me there have been a ton of resolutions not succeeded. So this new year I'm not making any resolutions, they will only set me up for failure which will cause part of the reason why I even need resolutions. So instead I'm making plans.

Already have it set ip to go to the gym after work.
Know my eating plan (weight watcher).
Have a budget planned out.
Am making dr. Appointments

This new year I have deemed my Year of Health.

No longer am I going to accept me caring about everyone and thing but myself. In order to be there for others I need to take care of myself. I am finally at a point (mentally) to set things in motion.
My life, my job, and my future need me to take care of myself NOW!

I can't wait until the session of work where I can be more active with the kiddo... Where I don't need to take a second to catch my breath just simply going up stairs to the office. Even more now is the fire in me to complete this..
sure I hope I won't the lottery of the biggest loser but if I am meant to do it "on my own" then I will. No more sitting on my tooshy hoping my number comes up in the BL lottery. Yes I plan on still auditioning ... But i am going to be a little bit lighter each time until I am under the cut off weight.

So, as I create my " plan" and dream boards and prepare myself I will enjoy the newest seasons of weight-loss shows and cheering peeps on twitter or f-book.

But most of all I will begin loving me.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

To get up without making a "oomph" type noise..

Well.. long time no write! It has been a whirlwind... not really.. but time has gone fast (you will find I will say that a lot!! because it really

Lets see...
The most "major" thing so far is I got a job!!! (throwing arms up in air in celebration)... I am still in training, but it's going good so far and have gotten good feedback from the trainers.. I am working towards being a Behavioral Therapist. I realized going into the session trainings, that I play things up in my mind to psych me out. I just finished my first week of trainings, and looking back I wish I did not have any thoughts. I was soo anxious wanting to soak everything in and not wanting to mess up in front of the trainers, that I set myself aside/I was not my full potential. This is not the only thing I do this with... just another thing I need to work on.. haha..
Anywhoo... after each session, I get more and more confident. And more and more relaxed. Not that it has been easy peasy... but I was worried that I could not cut it. And I am proving to myself that I can. So woohoo... lol..

Now if only I could take that confidence to my health! I have been on a spiral down again. Excuses up the wahzoo!! From wanting to wait till I figure out what my schedule is going to be to not wanting to because I want to be able to move during the sessions.... It's ridiculous!! But Im trying to push myself to get back on track now. I have the whole weekend to "recoup" from a workout... my goal is to go at least twice this weekend. Then my sessions are all in the evenings, so I can get a morning and/or late night workouts in during the weeks. Then after my final exam I will re-evalutate my schedule and make further "arrangements"... That is the goal at least. I told myself I wanted to be lighter by the next BL audition.. and I will be!!

It is FALL!!!! woohooo!! Now if only the weather will catch it has been fall weather then HOTT for a couple days.. then back to fall weather... then hot again.. augh... It's been really whacking out my allergies.. lol.. but eh...

Im excited for what's to come!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

To show myself I can do it

**Lose weight to show myself I can do it. I have spent my whole life trying to get to a healthy weight... and instead of maintaining then losing more, its been more of a roller coaster.. leading me to think down on myself and I put up that wall that makes me gain again... it's almost like I'm afraid of being skinny/healthy. I dont know what it is to be skinny.. so it would be a foreign thing at first. I want to conquer this fear and prove to myself I can***

Tonight was the season premiere of the Season 12 Biggest Loser. Can I just say.. AH-MAZING!!! Good stuff... Im already looking forward to the next episode!! And I have a little trainer crush on Dolvett!!! lol... Oh.. Based on the previews, I would be blushing my butt off.. all the cute guys as guests appearances.... phewie... lol...

Im excited for this season!!! And the next one

Oh.. and they already are taking interest notes for season 14!! CRAZY!!! Now I know that's not saying they will be casting for it already... Im sure they are waiting a few months... but man... lol..

OHHHH!!! AND>.... My mom FINALLY agreed to try out for Season 15/16 with me!!! Woot woot!! I cant wait... ofcourse by then I hope to be close to the minimum weight theyll accept..But I think it would be AWESOME for my mom and I to do this... (if we got that far ofcourse).

So... onto a good nights sleep hopefully...

oh. p.s. I got 2 workouts in today!! And.. drum roll please.......... I hit my calorie intake/outake goals!!! partay!!! lol...

Monday, September 19, 2011

Play a FULL game of tag w/ my little cousins

* Lose weight to be able to play a full game of tag with my little cousins without getting winded or tired in the first few seconds... ***

I began wearing my Bugg again this past weekend... (round of applause)... I must admit I have not reached the daily output goals or the step goals... Ive been between 100-300 cals short. But I like seeing the deficit lol... thats why I love this thing...

BIGGEST LOSER starts tomorrow night!!!! Sooo I guess that's another thing the audition process did for me. I get more excited for the seasons. And this is weird (but ya know thats me...Im but it's almost like Im right there with them. Like I was chosen and am an alumni with them... so Im cheering them on. If that comes across in the freak stalkerish way I in NO way mean it that way.... I just feel "closer" to them since Ive been through the process of auditioning... Just imagine how I will be on season 13!! lol.. Cant wait to see the cast of that season too... to see if I'll be able to say "I know that person" or "I met that person"... fun stuff... lol.. Maybe someday this feeling will become a truth... but one thing I know for sure is someday I will not need the show (if i never get on).

The heat is back on for the last week of summer... sadface! But is supposed to cooling down by the time fall hits... MY FAVORITE season!!!!! wooohooo!!!

Patches (my dog) is doing well... we went for a walk around our street yesterday... he did good.. even got to have a little play session with a few of our neighbors dogs... I thought we were "bonded" enough for him to come to me in that scenario.. but no.. he ended up following the other dogs next door and would not come to me when I called him... so.. looks like training for us we will go when I get a job... until then, no free play or dog parks w/out a leash. sadface...

Yep... Just excited for tomorrow night!! woohoo!!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

A Freckle

Note: I am now titling my posts with items from my bucketlist and reasons why I want to lose weight and be healthy. This is being used as tool to help keep me motivated on this journey.

A freckle.... There is a freckle on my ribs that I have always wanted to show off. I know I know that is But there is something about that freckle.. the placement.. the size... lol.. To be able to wear a bathing suit (bikini or those one pieces that have sides cut out) where that freckle peeks out would be great. lol... I imagine myself having that "OOOHHHH YYEEEAAAAHHH" type

Anywhoo.. sorry if I just weirded you out.. but eh..

I just finished one of my classes... Abnormal Psychology. I am sad! I loved this subject. Mainly because this subject covers a lot of the issues I will be covering in my counseling. But the class itself was great. For those that dont know, I am doing my coursework online through an online university. This class gave me that actual classroom experience. It was GREAT! The discussions, responses, group work... it was all great. I hope the future courses go as well as this one...
There is only one sad note about this Even though it was my favorite subject so far, it is the first class I am getting a B in with this program. SADFACE!!! lol... At least that is how it is looking.. I have an 88%.. but still need my case study and class review to be graded. But I am not holding my breath to see it get up to at least an A- .. But I am still happy none the less... The experience was worth it.

This class makes the desire to start my career now... I have been checking the job listings daily for the nonprofits... and nothing I can apply for yet...

I could go on for so I will stop while Im ahead and go onto another subject...

I have dog fever!! lol... I already want to get another dog... To give my current one a play buddy... He is breaking out of his shell now and is getting used to my house/environment and he has started to play.. wOOOHOOO!!! lol.. I was so glad when he did... its soo cute!! ha..

Anyway..on the subject of exercise.. I get a big fat F for this past week!! I havent tracked my intake.. and havent worn the bugg so I have no idea of my output... but my weight has stayed the same... I am thinking about my freckle (HAHAHA) and will wear the band starting tonight! I know I can do this.. I want to... I moved here to focus on me and get healthy... and it's time to! No more excuses... no more putting it off... it starts now....

So next thing I know... my freckle will be on (the song "on display" by the real housewife of new jersey Melissa popped in my head)..

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Day of Remembrance

That is what today is!

Ten years ago this morning, I was 14. A sophomore in high school. I was waking up to get ready for school and my dad had the news on. Breaking news was on, and a plane had crashed into the first tower. I began asking my dad a ton of questions, what does that mean? was it an accident?
Then off to school I went. Going on campus everyone was buzzing about it. Not as much as the teachers, but every once in a while one of us would mention it. Onto the first class and the teacher let us watch the news for class. By this time the second plane had already crashed into the second tower and we witnessed the towers collapse. We also learned that it was a terrorist attack. That was... breathtaking (in a sad way). I remember thinking did everyone get out? Are all the people on the ground okay? What about the emergency responders?
For the rest of the day we had teachers "updating" us on the news but saying we need to try to focus on school/subject. Then I had volleyball practice. So I did not get to get more information until dinner time, 6ish. I got the full information about the numbers rising of people missing, injured, etc. Then the Pentagon and the plane in PA.
When the news stated that responders from Cali were forming to go to NY, I wondered if my dad would go. At that time he was a fire fighter. But he didnt.

From that day to know, whenever thinking/watching/looking at pics/etc I always get an overwhelming sense of sorrow. All those people gone, injured, lost a loved one that day... then add all the families who lost a loved one from them going off to fight for us..So much death... so much hurt... it's just so sad.

In the newspaper this morning, there was an opinion article that I loved! It was in the Press Enterprise, in the Perspective section. Written by Leonard Pitts, he had written it on Sept. 11th 2001. HEre are some quotes that I LOVE!
"Did you want to tear us apart? You just brought us together. Let me tell you about my people. WE are a vast and quarrelsome family, a family rent by racial, cultural, political, and class division, but a family nonetheless. We're frivolous, yes, capable of expending tremendous emotional energy on pop cultural minutiae: a singer's revealing dress, a ball team's misfortune, a cartoon mouse."
"Yes, were in pain now. We are in mourning and we are in shock. We're still grappling with the unreality of the awful thing you did, still working to make ourselves understand that this isnt a special effect from some Hollywood blockbuster, isnt the plot develppment from a Tom Clancy novel."
"You see, there is steel beneath this velvet. That aspect of our character is seldom understood by people who don't know us well. On this day, the family's bickering is put on hold. As Americans we will weep, as Americans we will mourn, and as Americans, we will rise in defense of all that we cherish."

Those were my favorite quotes from his article. The following is my favorite cartoon. There were many good ones in today's comics, but this one sums it all. lol...

"Today will be a day that will live in infamy."

To me, Sept. 11th is a "new" July 4th. Only it is remembered more.

Songs such as Lee Greenwoods "Im Proud to Be an American" and Alan Jacksons "Where were you when the world stopped turning" are both GREAT songs for today!

Prayers to those lost, who lost loved ones, and those who helped.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Beat Goes On...

Random song that popped in my head before I sat down to write this.. lol..

Anywhoo... it has been a week.. my time does fly by... phew... it seems to go faster every year..

So I started using my BodyBugg. that thing is COOL! I never knew how many calories I actually expelled. Even on days where I assume it would only be like 100 cals.. turns out to be a lot more then that.. lol..

But after a couple days into tracking I got sick. Sick with the stomach flu... those things are not fun!!! Augh... I couldnt handle having that on my arm.. it was uncomfortable to me at that time... and I havent put it back on since... sigh. I am still "recovering" a little from it... but thats no excuse for not putting it on.. i just havent done it.

Got my dog!!! My mom thought of a great name for him.. Patches. Because of his coloring, he has patches of color on his white coat. He is a cutie! Went to the shelter to look.. and funny thing is I originally was interested in his kennel mate. But did not like the way it interacted with other dogs, so I decided against it. Then I couldnt decide from the other dogs there so went to the local petco/petsmarts. Only to come back to the shelter... and I wanted to interact with Patches and a couple other dogs... and Patches was moved inside... hehe... and the moment I saw him there in his room I knew he was the one. lol... But I second guessed myself and decided to take another walk around to look at the other dogs I was interested in. Then I finally got a volunteer to get Patches so we could interact.. we being my mom and I with Patches. And I was sold on him right away. He was a love bug. And he was able to listen to me when I told him to visit with my it was funny. And he wasnt "yappy" or anything.. and he interacted well with other dogs too.. So I filled out paperwork for adoption! So a day full of looking at animals (10am to 4pm)... I went home happy knowing I picked a good one.
Then Tuesday I got to pick him up from the animal hospital (had to get neutered).. Let me tell you. He did not make me a happy camper at night! lol... he kept me up ALL night.. only letting me get 10-15 mins of sleep at a time.. lol.. But the second night was better. He still whimpered a little but not much... and I actually got sleep last night!!! So Im looking forward to when there will be no but he is a good dog other then that. Still have to do some training (for both him and I), but I heart him!

And back to the biggest loser looking back, it truly has allowed to me to "come into my own"... I feel more confident. Its a lot more then just simply that.. but not sure how to explain Let's just say I am excited for season 14 casting Ill be a few pounds lighter, but plan on being more confident. Just thinking about being an alumn is breathtaking. To have that family... to encourage others... ofcourse the healthy lifestyle I will be living It's like the possibilities are endless... I have ALWAYS... and by always I literally mean always.. wanted to help another person or persons. Now the profession has changed through the years (teacher, counselor, inspirational speaker, teacher, social worker, therapist)... lol.. but the goal was always to help someone better their life. This would be a BIG door opening for just that. To see how Olivia, Hannah, Adam, Ken, Austin, Ali, etc.. are doing just that... It would be amazing to list my name under theirs as a speaker at an event. To be able to run a marathon for a charity. Man... it's just exciting. Now I do realize that it's the lottery with casting... and only one person knows if I will ever make it on the show... but each season casting I know I will be lighter. If I never make it on the show, I cant wait to say at least, I dont weight enough to be on the show. I used to say that when the show first started... Now I get excited thinking about being able to say that. So no matter the outcome in the years to come, I have a good side to both outcomes.

And Patches (my new dog) is going to become one good cardio

"No one can do this but you!"

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Phew... had to take a couple days to "clear" my head after this weekend.

Woke up Saturday morning, got ready, and left with a new friend to the CC. Luckily, when we got there and started walking into the outlets, a lady told us that the line was already near the Gap. So instead of having to walk all the way around and through a maze, we were able to go right there. We were after this cute newlywed couple. The husband was from Canada, wife a manager at district chain. They were a great couple to have near us. Well... 10 am came and the applications were passed out. Number 163 was me!!!

Then.. the waiting begins. Constantly being told by mall security to get more towards the center, blah blah blah. lol.. The line kept following the shade. Then FINALLY, when we were closer to the tables, security told us to push line against the buildings. DUH!! Should have done that in the first place! But oh well, at least they finally got smart.
Then... I see a familiar face, ADAM HURTADO! He was a few groups in front of us, but he was the first alumn I saw. Made me happy.
Then I saw Ken and Austin Andrews. Made me even more happy!

They were the only alumns there I saw, sadface. But they were WONDERFUL! And... after talking with him, I have a teeny crush on Adam. lol... sigh... Im sure he is CONSTANTLY told that but oh goes on.. ha..

Then after meeting the alumns it was only a few minutes and we were getting our table groups. I was number 9. I got to be in Holland's table!!!! I was excited. I wanted either her or Brittney. But Brittney went on lunch break before we even got close to the tables. So we walk to Holland's table, she gives us the downlow on the questions process. And the questions are asked. We got to do 4 questions. Which I thought was pretty cool.. but I dont know if that was a good anywhoo. After the time was up I got a quick picture with her.

Then me and my friend were off to lunch. We looked at the clock when we got to the car and it was 1pm. So we were in line from 8am to 1. Phew. AMAZINGLY I only got slightly sunburnt on my chest and forearms. lol.. I was expecting a ton more, but I guess Im just that sly. hehe..

So the night went by... kept looking at the clock for 4 pm. Which is when the cc was supposed to be over. When the clock hit about 530, I checked Twitter and they had posted they were finished with the callbacks. That was disappointing! Normally they take at least 2-3 hours, but we only had like 30 mins to 1 hour. Dang. lol..

But they told us that they were going to extend the video submission date for us a week so we can get a second chance. So... since I did not get a call I am going to resend my video.

This weekend I surprised myself! I showed myself it can be easy to be social. Normally I take time to warm up to strangers, but I took everyone quick fast! lol...

So... that is where I am at now. Sent in my video via email. They havent viewed it yet. But Im not holding my breath for a callback. I figure if they were interested in me they would have called me back from my video earlier or the cc.

So in the mean time I am going to use my new Bodybugg I won to lose weight on my own until the next CC. I look forward to doing the next one! I am thinking of going to more then one. If they do one earlier before the last one either in another cali town or in a state near us, I will be there. And.... that gives me time to talk my mom into it She already is saying that she is looking into possibilities for leave. But whether or not she actually does it when the time comes is another thing. We shall see.

So... for the next few months this blog will be about my weight loss journey solely. Help keep me accountable!

And this weekend Im getting a doggie!!!! HEEHHEHEEHEH... Will post pics when get!!

Until the next post, yall have a great time. Remember, it's not a show that changes us, its us.

Friday, August 26, 2011



Honestly today started off rough. I was this close (picture me holding my fingers close together) to not coming. I got sad because of a situation that happened with BL. But I knew that I would hate myself if I didnt. If anything, I will meet some new friends. Maybe some will become long term friends. So.. I finished packing... watched the rest of my shows on DVR... and off I went. I did pretty well if I say so myself. I thought it was going to be WAYYYY worse then it was! There was only one incident where a person almost collided with my passenger side front bumper, but my horn was blown and I was over it. lol... I dont see how LA'ians can do this every day! I would make myself try really hard to get a job really close to where I lived and my butt would walk back and forth to work! Anywhoo... I made it safely.
Got to my hotel.. again, appears better then I thought. And to my surprise it is A LOT cooler here there at my home! Plus, where my room is I get a breeze from the hallway. Ironically, I got placed in a room right across from the hotel gym. How hilarious is that??!! I guess fate is making sure I know no matter what results from this weekend, my butt is going to work out! lol.. I just cant get over that.

Then I felt like an idiot because I went to access the internet and of course there is a code and password needed. So I walked my butt to the lobby only to be told that it was on my key card envelope the whole time. DUH!!! lol.. I even saw it, but just thought it was something they used it for. So after walking back to my room, I did my homework for today. And am relaxing until the meet n greet. Will post more later (with maybe a picture or two).


Thursday, August 25, 2011

Pre-Game Home Stretch

Thats right folks... It's the night before I leave to go to LA for the Meet n Greet Friday night and then the casting call Saturday...

It was cool.. I got my photos developed today for the casting call... and the photo lady looked at them and we got into a discussion about me trying out for BL.. and she "memorized" my last name and said she hopes I get on and will be praying for me... it was awesome... lol.. this is wayyy far fetched, but it was like a TINY glimpse of how out of the box I can be. Hard to really explain what I mean, but eh.. i tried.

Dropped my parents off at the airport. My dad is a hoot. He thinks he owns the road and I guess the airport drop off lanes.. if he sees that someone can scooch up a little he will let it be known... lol.. oie.. It is going to be interesting if we get on the show together... BUT.. they made it safe to their destination. Then... I made it home without my navigation system. Thank you thank you... lol. I was quite proud of myself.

My stye was less severe today!!!! I was excited. It did not hurt today. Still was a little red and swollen, but definitely not as much as the past 2 days. Been doing the warm compresses and medicine the doc gave me.

Lets see.... Got packed.. still have to get my computer and toiletries together, but for the most part Im good.

Im a little worried. I havent gotten something that I was told I would.

lol.. I got a package in the mail today. It was from NBC and I started freaking... but it was in a different state.. then I remembered... my BODYBUGG. woohoo.. that sucker was busted open in seconds! Now I just have to wait a couple days to use it.

Im excited to meet everyone at the meet n greet! I feel like I have already known a few them... and am excited to meet the others. Team LA!! It would be cool if they did one HUGE Biggest Loser!! Where they had EVERYONE! lol.. Poor Bob and the other trainers would go crazy.. haha..

k... going to get some zz's before I hit the road tomorrow. Woohoo! I have never been so excited to go to LA before. lol.. normally I wince... with the thought of traffic... but no... grin from ear to ear now.. hehe..

nighty night all.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Mi Papa es en la casa

Woohoo.. my dad came home today for his week "vacation" from work. Now I did get a little disappointed because he looked like he actually lost weight therefore kicking him out of eligibility for the show. However, he didnt. lol... I told him what I thought and he made me watch him step on the scale.. haha... it was funny. So.. I still have a partner.. AND... Watching Season 6 gave me more hope. Shellay reminds me of my dad in the sense of their weight is more then what you see/think. So hopefully if the cd's see something in me they will give my dad a chance too. We shall see...

Only a COUPLE more days until I leave to LA... woohoo!!

I am excited for it a hundred times over. But sometimes things happen and it feels like the world is against you. lol.. that is way exaggerated for what I mean, but it gets the point across. First my acne decided to flare up.. so Ive been working the Then I guess when I weed whacked the yard stuff got in my eye and irritated my eyelid. Cuz yesterday I woke up and my eyelid was a little bit swollen and tender. I wake up this morning and it looked like I got punched in the eye. Swollen to where it went up to a little above the color part... and definitely tender. It hurts whenever I blink. So I tried to get a doc appointment for today but they were booked, so I got one tomorrow morning. In the mean time I am going to be putting warm compresses on it 3/4 times today. But man. I am only imagining what it is going to look like tomorrow! I REALLY hopes it goes down by Saturday!! I dont want to show up with a swollen eye... especially if i get a callback I dont want to do the interview with a swollen eye... hopefully its a quick fix. We shall see bright and early tomorrow. The next thing is that my dad first made it sound like if we got a callback that he could easily tell his work and postpone him coming in. Today he tells me that theres no way he can, and monday is the only day he can do the interview, if not sunday night. So we shall see. No point in stressing about it if it doesnt happen.

So I am oober excited for another thing. Either after the BL or after the casting call, I get to get a doggy!! I am super excited. Depending what happens with the the casting call will determine when I get it. Not sure what one, I have seen a ton that I wouldnt mind. So I have to go and see them in person to narrow the choices down. lol..

k.. Getting tired so I will see yall later.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Distance Between Us...

Why hello there my long lost friend... lol.. sorry I have neglected you for the past week!!!! I cant believe we are in the FINAL countdown until the casting call!!! eeeeeekkk!!! lol..

Well.. this PAST week has been... so-so. Did got get a good (in my mind at least) grade on my first paper in the class I am LOVING!! so that was a bummer. But.. I have a critical analysis due this week that I think I am going to R-O-C-K. I love the analyses. They fit perfectly with I do

Found out that Austin from BL11 is going to be at the casting call.. WOOHOO!!! He is the only one that has stated that he will.. (or at least the only one I have seen). Still keeping my fingers crossed for Hannah and Shay!!!! But OFCOURSE--- any of them would be fab-u-lous! I wish they were having a reunion that weekend so we had a greater chance of seeing a lot more of them. ha. possibly.

ummm.. OH!!

I WEED WHACKED!!! hehe. For the first time ever. I weed whacked my front lawn. Man!! I haven't sweated that much in a long time. It was one of those where your socks are soaked when you take em off... and sometimes (although gross) it's cooler to keep your icky sweaty clothes on.. lol... My arm muscles got soo worked out that when I tried to scrub my arm with soap n water my arms were shaking and I had to put my hand on the wall to sturdy it. lol.. it was a funny thing. And surprisingly enough I am not as sore as I thought I would be today. I have plans on working on the back yard too.. now mind you the back yard is big enough to put another house on... so there is A LOT to do. lol.. but luckily my neighbor offered to be our gardner so I will have some help. I told him that I am not going to let him tackle that on his own. lol.. And that I have to help him somehow. I started the "transformation" process on the yard I want to continue it. I guess thats the perfectionism kick in me. oie.. But anywhoo.. I was very proud of myself!! I dont know. I am not about to say this to say I dont need a man.. but it is nice to know that I can do stuff that is gender-typed for a male!

Dad is coming home in a couple days.. woohoo... so I get to give him the low down in person of what he agreed to. ha.. j/k. I really wish that they did it like the Australia version of BL.. where they actually took a family of more then 2 people. Of course if they did, for my family it would need the added stipulation of getting paid very well!! lol.. But my mom really needs this, I need this, and my dad does too. But my mom is the bill payer/scheduler of the family. So she will have to do it on her own if we get on the show... ofcourse she will have the bonus of having the biggest loser body bugg that I won!! heehhehehe..

lets see lets see.. oh... I got the cutest earrings this weekend!!! 4 sets of them. ha.. they had a BOGO 1/2 sale.. I had to. lol.. and I got a ring too... I love the ring!!! I am oober excited about it. Shopping for the accessories of my outfit for the casting call made me realize another reason why I want the Biggest Loser. Ofcourse this is a vain one.. but I need the biggest loser because there are soooo many pieces of jewelry that i heart that just doesnt look right because my fingers are to chubby.. or my neck is too thick so the necklace is smaller then its supposed to be... or earrings just dont sit right... lol.. I will be a jewelry whore when I finally lose the weight. oh man!! lol.. j/k. I am too much of a bargain shopper and analyzer to spend all my monies on jewelry. They would be prizes for me. lol.. I dont know.. I just know w/out the weight I would enjoy wearing jewlery more! lol..

k.. I am beginning to ramble as you can tell by the length of this blog.. sorry by the way... so I will bid adue..

5 days till Im in LA for the CC... BIG SMILEY FACE!

p.s. k.. sorry one last thing... but I just realized with seeing how many other people I am going to meet... I havent felt this a live in forever. What I mean is... fears I have had or dissipating.. confidence is rising.. and happiness is there..

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Weekend of Calm

It was a GREAT weekend. My mother and I went to see "The Help" on Saturday. It was fabulous! I am definitely going to buy it when it comes to DVD. And I may even loosen my penny pincher grip and not wait until it's ten dollars. lol. Another little tidbit about me: I strongly dislike buying movies over ten dollars! It has to be absolutely amazing to me to pay more. I think its rediculous that they sell it for 25 the first week to a month then drop it half price after. Sometimes I have to wait forever to buy it less, but then again I dont NEED them. Right now there are other things more important that I need to put money towards then a DVD that may go "out of fashion" like the vhs. I dont know. I am quite the penny pincher none the less.

Back on topic. lol.

Then I got some outfits. I am excited for them! I was able to get new looks for me at a reasonable price. lol. Im deciding if I want to wear one of them for the casting call. Going to take a picture of me in it to get a "different view" of it before I make my final decision. I am excited. Doing a "test run" of it tomorrow when I do my errands.

Heard there was a TON of people at this weekends casting calls. I heard over 1000 in one city. I admire the casting directors for toughing through ALL the interviews. Then coming together at the end of them to go through all of them and make decisions for the call backs. Phew! I hope they are getting paid GOOD! lol. I hope they all take a BIG weekend vacation once it is passed to the execs to make the decisions!

Then today was a nice relaxing day. It was hot, but thank God for the creation of the air conditioner!! Got me a copy of the new Fitness magazine with the beautiful and wonderful Olivia and Hannah! I heard that they are at the Biggest Loser Resort Malibu for the next 2 weeks... SOOOOO.. I am hoping that they make an appearance at the casting call. How AH-MAZING would that be??!! But then an additional hope is that they are there long enough or whatever to wear I can grab a minute and picture with them. They are the couple that inspired me further to this journey. I had already made the decision to get healthy. But they helped tip it over the edge (in a good way). But we shall see... I also hope that Shay comes!! She also has helped me. She has been the most easily responsive to me and my questions. She always has the right words to say. But we shall see. No matter who comes, I am excited to see them. I hope I can get pics with them! That they stay longer then 2 minutes. lol. I am sure that there will be a lot of people there too. oh boy.

My dad is getting more excited for this too. Since he said okay to being my partner, he has texted and called a ton of times to talk about it. hehe. Cuteness. Sigh.

K... on to start a good nights sleep (hopefully) so I can start the week off right tomorrow... Night everyone.

12 days until my casting cal... AHHHHH!! soooo excited.

Friday, August 12, 2011

T.G.I. Friday!!!

I am so glad it's Friday. That means there are another round of casting calls tomorrow!! Woohoo!!! One is in Phoenix.. which fate would have it my dad has a load to deliver there. Unfortunately fate would NOT have him being there long enough to sneak over the casting call.. lame. lol..

But good news I got reply from casting director that I can bring a photo with me to the LA cc and thats okay.

Remember in a previous post where I procrastinated on a homework assignment.. I think it was the excuses post... anywhoo... I have seen that promise come a live in me. I have been doing well in my new class. Not waiting until the last minute to the work. And I must say... it feels GOOD to not be stressing over it. lol.. thats a huge duh I know.. but oh well. Ya live and learn right. It just took me a few years of repeating the same thing to learn. eh...

Im excited for tomorrow because my mom and I are going to see the movie "The Help." I will post a little review on here tomorrow. Then we are going clothes hunting for my cc outfit. The hard part Im having to deal with is the cost! The last time I went clothes shopping it was bargain hunting and I nearly had a heart attack at what i spent then. Now, I freak out looking online and seeing the prices. Now I know that I will wear the thing to it's last thread. It's just hard to cough up the money. Especially for the plus size clothes. They always add the couple extra dollars to the extended sizes... which is annoying. I mean I get it because it takes more fabric, but still... they dont change the cost between the sm, m, l, xl. Why do they need to for the 2x and above??!! Phew... need to stop before I go on a tangent.

In 2 weekends I will be in my hotel at this time... trying to relax enough to get settled into sleep. And the next day I will be going to the CC.

I am oober excited to do the meet n greet!! Bowling time!! HOLLA!!!! lol..

I want to wish EVERYONE a GREAT weekend! To those attending the casting calls... goodluck. Dont forget to be yourselves and SHINE! To those not, remember you are AWESOME! We are all amazing people! Show or not, we can do this!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Weener, Weener, Chicken Dinner


So yeah. The last few days have been awesome! When I would feel down, something would happen and pick me right up. I have been shot up to the moon twice and it's only been adding smile/laugh lines. ha..

So yeah. I entered a sweepstakes to win a bodybugg just for fun... thinking there's NO way I could win. I'd entered similar contests before and NEVER won. But... the stars aligned for me. I WON!!!! BIG SMILES!!! I won a Biggest Loser Body Bugg with a 12-month subscription to the online service. HOW AMAZING is that??!!! So, if I do not get on the television show, I will have the tool they use to track and can be "hardcore" on my own. lol. AND, if I DO get on the show my mom can use the bodybugg. Which we both are hoping for the later one! hehe.. And I got a promise out of her that if I got on the show that she would do it at home. So it would be another story like Ben and Olivia. Hopefully at least. I think that would be AWESOME!!

(Just a little insight into the labrynth of my mind, I tend to over think/analyze things..)
So when my mom got home I started to try to get her to say then I talked to her to get her pov. So I could send rebuttles and possibly make her run out of excuses. Only thing is... her points were valid. With our family, she is not in the position where she could. There's a lot more to it, but no need to plaster her/our life on here. But she did mention that she hopes I get on because she would use the bodybugg I won to do it at home and surprise me. So we started brainstorming family members. I tried a couple of my cousins.. the one i really wanted is too skinny.. then i was just grasping at straws. I ended up asking a couple people who are just friends. And even asked my dad. Now my dad does not look or have that much weight to lose like the other males that have been on the show. But, he does have the minimum requirement!! hehe. So i thought Id give it a whurl. Guess what??!! My dad said okay!!! I nearly jit my head on the ceiling I was jumping so high.
So.. I now have an official team member.. my dad. Woot Woot. I already claim a nick name for him.. "Big Bird" I have to look into that first to see what meanings are attached to it, but that is his body type. He has skinny legs, is tall, and his weight is in the mid section. lol. We could be big bird and the cookie monster. HA..
Let me tell you. That would be interesting! lol... Not only the normal father/daughter type support on one end and sometimes bickering on the other end... but i think he would mesh well with the other contestants. And again, there may be some My dad and I are stubborn. Yes I get a tid but from my mom... the majority of it comes from my dad. lol. I heart my dad. He uplifted me when I first doubted this process to offering to be on it with me. It brings happiness and scared feelings. Mostly happy because I think it would make our bond closer. Not that it's not, but sometimes it's hard reading him. So if it happens this will smack us into understanding...

And fate worked it well, or at least it did if the casting directors like me enough to do the in front camera interview. Because my dad won a NASCAR prize through his work, so he will be there representing his work with my mom. That is the day of the casting call. But, fate has it where they get back the day after the cc, and he is home for a couple days before he has to hit the road again on the Wednesday after the cc. Soooo... that means that IF the directors like me enough from the CC and want to see how I am with my dad enough to call us back for an interview, then we can do it. I would hope that I could inform them somehow the date situation, but yeah. I am super excited!

So I have both basis covered. If on the show I have my dad to double my chances. If I dont, then I have the bodybugg.

2011 is turning out to be a GREAT year! Not only am I getting mentally healthy. But I have this opportunity to get physically healthy. And no matter what the outcome, I will work on getting physically healthy.

thank you Biggest Loser for helping me realize a lot and gaining the determination I lost years ago.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

My life has been FULL of them! Even now. It's disappointing. Although I guess a positive is that I recognize that. lol.

I caught myself waiting until the last minute to finish my final paper for a class. I am wiping off sweat right now I was getting nervous it would not be done in time. Now, logical thinking would state it is because I waited until the night it's due to sit down and write it is the reason why I am sweating. However, my excuse driven mind is saying: it's because the school server was running slow and having technical difficulties. I wasnt able to get to the proper portions to get the information I needed.

Yeah.. I know. Thats pathetic. Truthfully I recognize that I procrastinated, and the end result is not my best. Which then leads my mind down another path. Im a slight perfectionist. So the fact that my FINAL paper is not the best I could have written is riding my mind. But, it is too late now. Learn from my mistake and move on. This next class I know unless I want to create an ulcer and wet another sweat rag, I am not going to wait until the night of or even the day of. Phew.

As I sit here, first desiring to write today's post about my miseries of the final paper procrastination and list the reasons why it was crap and turned in last minute... I realize that this is not the first time I have made excuses why i have not done my best.

I mean. Just take one look at me and you know I have not done my best. I have been making excuses and placing blame on other people/things for 23 years...

This is one reason why I need the Biggest Loser. The butt kicking I would get on the show would jump start my healthy living and (because of my perfectionism) be able to do my best for my own health.

I have been blamed for many things, and hate that feeling. why do I place the blame on others? I try to live by the "Golden Rule" ... yet I am doing this. NO LONGER.

I am OWNING myself. My actions are mine, not someone elses.

So I ask myself and the other readers of this blog: What excuses are you making?

Note: Another plus of going through the BL process.... Ownership of self.

(sorry this post is a bit all over the place, I'm beat but want to get this all down before I forget it.)

Sunday, August 7, 2011

We Are the Champions My friends...

Great song...


First... The new Extra Apple Pie gum.. YUMMY!!!! Takes exactly like an apple pie. So good! My fav used to be the strawberry shortcake... but this one tops it... so now my new fav is the apple pie!
Im a bit timid at trying the mint ice cream one... not sure how dairy will taste gum but one day I will try it. Have to finish off the two packs I already have.

I must note on the way one feels when they have been doing some sort of activity/exercising... I LOVE it when I can feel certain muscles or see certain muscles that werent visible before! I love my arm muscles and calve muscles. Unfortunately my calves have a bit much fat on them right now, and I need to work out the muscles more to get the "definition" I like... but my arms... they are starting to define a bit...and my shoulders.. lol.. goodness... I can only imagine how it would be if I got on the Biggest Loser... oh boy!!!

Two more weekends until my casting call...

Still no call from my video... its only been a couple days since it was delivered to the office, so Im not bummed yet seeing as how a ton of people send it in and I think theres only 2 people in the office watching the videos... so I got a couple weeks to wait.

Did not get the weed whacker out today.. it was too hot. Instead I watched Gnomeo and Juliet with my mom. Good stuff!! I love seeing the similarities between it and other love stories (Grease and Moulin Rouge). I think its so weird catching myself critiquing/analyzing movies too.

K... off to lahlah land...hopefully.

Friday, August 5, 2011

I like the smell of sweat (sorry for the TMI)

Eww I know!!! Sorry for the TMI!!

But I do. I like the smell of my sweat. The sweat that comes from moving... exercising! I always feel so accomplished when my tank is soaked and i can smell my deodorant working overtime. lol. Then that smell that your clothes have when they are soaked from sweat... adds to the accomplishment feeling. lol.

So yes.... I used to HATE sweating. Honestly I still do, but in the situation of normal day. Sweating just driving to the store and having the t-shirt be moist/wet from sweating. Or from any activity (other then exercise). To me, it's still hard to get over the embarrassment feeling from that.

But the sweat that happens from exercise is awesome. lol.

Someday soon, hopefully, I can get that smell of accomplishment on the Ranch. If not on the Ranch, then at my gym. Every time the excuse of "i dont like to sweat" pops in my head, I am going to remember the accomplishment feeling. And pray that that will push me forward.

Yoga today was good! I beat my scores from yesterday, and even did some advanced ones. Now mind you I was not able to do them as flexible as they did, but center of balance was good. Still have A LOT of work to do on my balance. But Im working on it. Then of course I need to work on my core as well. Slowly but surely i WILL be able to look like a yoga person.

i wish they had Tae-Bo for the Wii too!! that would be sweet!!!

Anywhoo. Off to get some sleep. Need to get a head start on the prayers for everyone tomorrow for the casting calls going on! Cant wait to hear the stories and see the pics!!!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Green Thumb

So in no way do I actually think I have a green thumb. I do good with taking care of plants but then something happens... i dont know. lol..

But I have been doing yard work on my parents front yard, and I am actually enjoying it. I always avoided it because I did not want to look stupid in front of my neighbors. But now I just dont care. The yard needs it, we dont have monies to pay for a gardner, so Im the next best thing. lol. Thats why my parents had me right, free child labor. HAHA....

Anywhoo.. so yeah.. Im trying to figure out how to make our front lawn look better. Even am going to try my hand at a chain saw!!! woohooo... lol.. Well that is if my parents let me. My mom already said she would prefer me not to because there are bees in the bushes I want to trim. She would rather someone else get stung them me. Which sounds really sad, but since Im allergic, it makes sense. Im just hoping she can get someone soon cuz those things are crazy! To me, the bushes are like the eyebrows of the lawn. They are that bad. We have like an old guys hay wire hair unibrow thing going on.. lol.

Then theres the back yard. We actually kinda kept up with it when my dog was here. But since he passed there's been nothing going on back there. So now its a huge tinder box. Lots of dry weeds. So this weekend I am hoping that it gets cool enough to where I can try my hand at the weed whacker. So should be fun. Then I get to rake it all and put in trash can. Only trash is on Mondays, and its already full from what Ive done so far on the front lawn. So looks like hopefully Sunday is cool. So Monday after trash pick up I can put it right in. Eh.. we shall see. I just have to be careful w/snakes and such... gotta dig my jeans and closed toe shoes out.

Sorry for all the pointless nonsense. It's just weird going from not liking/doing any yard work to actually enjoying it and wanting to do it. I am taking charge more. Im sick of waiting and hearing excuses from my mom so Im going to do it.

Then I did a full yoga routine from the Wii fit. Fun stuff. Wasnt as on cue as I was last time I did it, but I did it. I always try to beat my previous scores on the Wii Fit. lol.. I even did soooo bad on the downward facing dog pose. It didnt even score me. Even though my hands were on the board the whole time the way my weight was distributed made it think I quit halfway through. When I didnt! I just kept hearing "you are putting too much weight on your feet" so I kept adjusting. And when I had what felt like most my weight on my hands is when it said i quit. I just cant see the tv to find my center of balance mark in that pose, so I guess i just have to keep winging it until I get it. I dunno. Then eventually when I get the yoga master rank on all poses Im going to move onto the advanced poses. Looks like fun stuff... lol.. Trying to get my mom to do some of the poses. They are simple enough and low impact that she should be able to do it. We shall see.

In regards to the Biggest Loser, I really thought that I would be a nervous wreck after knowing my audition tape was delivered. But Im not. Im actually feeling more and more confident with myself. Now that's not to say that I dont have a few instances where the thought of not being on show peeps its ugly head at me, but I just dont dwell on it or let it get me down. If anything, it has made me want to do more movement. (ie: wii fit or yardwork or something). So another bonus of this process. Still praying that it's in my cards to be on the show because of how much it would benefit my life, but at the same time praying for understanding and peace if it isnt in the cards for me.

Looking forward to hearing about everyone's experiences at the casting calls this weekend!!! Fun Stuff!!!


Just finished watching the LAST Harry Potter movie...

I was ill prepared!! Instead, my sleeve is wet and my fingers are annoyed. (Fingers annoyed because when I get anxious/nervous I push my nails into the "pads" of my fingers, or push the skin down around the nail or something with my Good stuff. Hard to believe that a series that started when I was in junior high is now complete. Sigh. Honestly, it was one of those movies that I did not really wish to see but my best friend made me see it. We then made it a tradition to see each one together. Only that changed when our lives changed. So the last few ones I have been on my own watching them. And every movie never let me down. I remember crying like a baby in the first installment of deathly hallows when Doby died!! And now the last installment had me going every which way. lol. All that to say... Harry Potter is a good series. Now I guess I need to actually read the books.
Yes Yes I know some of you are yelling at me... but I just never was able to read them. The size of them always looked daunting! So I cheated and just watched the movies. Yes, I know. Ive heard it a million times, the books are better. But I just never took the time to read them. So, now I have to. I have the time, why not. lol..

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Pulling the Weeds

That's right. I am pulling weeds, both literally and figuratively.

After reading a former contestant,Jessica Delf's blog (GREAT stuff!!!!) I started paying closer attention. Now this is stuff that I have been working on through therapy (among other things), but I am amazed at how many things can have a root cause of something that you dont even think of or think would even effect you. This is part of the reason why I chose the psychology field for my career. But off the point. lol..

Today I waited until it was cool enough outside to pull literal weeds from my front yard. It was after a pile was starting to be created that it clicked. A metaphor popped in my head. The weeds are the reasons why I have gained weight. In order to get rid of weeds, one has to pull the root out. Same as with problems/triggers/etc. One needs to get to the root cause of it in order to work and fix it.

That is what I have been working on these past months that has gotten me to the point of Ready to do this journey of the Biggest Loser/healthy living. I have been "weeding out" the problems and getting to the root cause of them. Puns intended.

So at the start or just when you are ready. We must find those triggers or weeds and get to the root. Sure we may be able to work our butts off and get the weight off, but without working on the mental side, we could easily fall back into the situation we were at in the first place.

I am always one that advocates counseling. I believe everyone needs one. Not saying need to go every week to one, but every once in a while. I am glad that I skipped out on the March BL auditions to work on my mind first. Now I am ready to absorb this experience and fully enjoy it. Now I can continue this journey, no matter the outcome of the video or casting call, and have the right mind set.
I am in no way saying that my front lawn is weedless, lol, but there is less.

Gearing up to hear about this weekends casting calls. Only three more weekends till mine...

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Day of Emotional Expression

That's what it was for me today.
Ended the night with crying to my mom expressing why I want to be on the show, and why I am mostly focusing on the positive outcome of the casting calls/video.
But the discussion also made us (us being my mom and I) look at the negative outcome. Though I wish I could stay on cloud nine and not have to look at the negative outcome, it is there and I do need to realize it. And I do. Though it hasnt happened yet, it still helps bring me back to reality.
I said a statment that I'd like to put here. I think it is a good representation of my mindset no matter the outcome:
"I could always try out next season. And I will if I am still at this weight or in the weight range they are looking for. But that's the point. I dont want to be at that anymore when they cast again."
The statement goes on a bit more, but the most important part is the last sentence. "I dont want to be at this weight anymore when they cast for season 14." Now mind you, if they are casting for 14 in September I'll be there lol.. but I highly doubt that will happen!!! Im thinking either December or March. Either one, I REALLY do not want to be at 255 or anywhere near that in those time frames.
So this discussion, though tearful, has brought me back down to reality and made it even more of a push to do this. I know I've said it in previous posts, but now it's sinking in more.
No matter the outcome of the casting call or video or interviews, I will do this. If I get picked to be on the show HALLELUJAH!!!! If I dont, then I will pick myself up (after a day or two or sulking,lol) and start this journey on my own. Actually, I wont be on my own. I have a set of new friends going through this process with me. I hope that we can support each other and do this journey together via the tweeter or fbook or whatever.

This is yet another bonus of this process. Another self realization. I struggle with motivation on my own and have even said that I cant (I know bob and jillian hate that word) do this on my own, that I need that extra boost. Well now I realize that I may need to depend on myself. I need to do this for myself first. I AM worth it. I CAN do it.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Congratz to a fellow Californian

So excited today to get news that one of the gals I met through the BLcasting facebook page got callback from her video!! That is AWESOME!
I must admit I feel like a proud parent. lol. The moment I saw her video, I KNEW they had to call her back! And if they didn't something was wrong with them, or they actually arent looking for what they are saying. But they did!!! I am SOOOOO incredibly happy for her!
I cant wait to meet her in person. She is such a great gal (what I have gotten from chats on fb and her video)... and I see her going far on the show! Oh I really do feel like a

So yeah, today was a good day with the BL peeps.

p.s. my video was delivered today... so prayers away and all that jazz. no holding of breath though, i do wanna live no matter the

I am just so happy!

Sunday, July 31, 2011


Yep. I was working out with the Wii Fit today. Trying out other areas then I have before. One of those was the Yoga area. First may I say... MAN yoga is hardcore! One would think it isnt that much, but phew.. My shirt was soaking after completing the actions. The title of this post is from one of the yoga poses. The Warrior. I scored the Yoga Expert on that pose. And I find it to ring true!
I fight.. fight with all I can. With this new journey, I am even more one. No longer am I letting food beat me, or laziness.

(Read to the tune of the song "I am Woman")...

I am Warrior, hear me ROAR!!!

Then the rest of the song replace woman with warrior.. lol...

26 more days until my Casting Call. WOOHOOO!!


So.. my heart goes out to those who did not get a call back!( and in the next few weeks those who wont get one) Some of those are people whom I thought were shoe-ins for the show. It brings a multitude of emotions up. I only hope that they (and myself) can keep the energy and determination they had for the show into their everyday lives. Sure it would have been AMAZING to have all the resources that the show has,but ultimately it's about out health. Just take one day at a time. Walk a little bit more each time. Change your diets. Keep everyone on social networking updated so you can keep yourself accountable,and we can help too.
Now I realize that in 26 days I may have to re-read this post and swallow my own words. And Im sure that the first couple days will be hard to put this into action.
So I say, take your days of grieving. Be sure to pick yourself up. You were strong enough to put yourself out there at the CC, you are strong enough to do this now. Take charge.
I know personaly, I fear feelings of rejection or not good enough. But this process and meeting people who support is what we need to focus on. Slowly but surely we can do this! We CAN reclaim our lives! We CAN do this!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Entry One of this Journey

So. I decided to write all about my experience of hoping, praying, everything to get on the Biggest Loser. It all started back in March when they were casting for BL12... I wanted to try out but back out at the last minute. I wasnt prepared for it yet. I still needed a lot more help then just the BL. So I started going to therapy to get healthy mentally. After a few months past, and a number sessions I am getting better. Still not 100 percent better, but definitely better then back in March. So the months passed by and I keep up with the BL info (I like to be up on the 411, and hope to make friends from the BL or BL hopefuls so we can encourage each other). And I find out that this month (July) that they are casting for season 13 already. And everything in me said DO IT!!! I dont have any excuses any more. Sure I could back out and talk myself out of it again, but I dont want to. I am at a point in my life where I can do this. Why put off something SOOOO amazing anymore when I could not have the chance again. So I discussed with my mom and though it would be good for her to do it too, she is not ready for it. So it's decided Im dong it on my own.
Found the BL 13 casting Facebook page to help stay up on the 411. Especially now since I am going for it. And I have made a few acquaintaces on there. When BL casting crew posted the website, city and dates I was on top of it. Got all my information I needed to do this. Picked out a hotel the night they posted the venue for the LA (the LAST casting call). That was that. I was ready. Only then I had to wait a whole month and a half. Sadface.
But man time has been flying! They started their month long casting trip this weekend. Now only 3 more weekends until my casting call.
I did create a video submission to give me a second route of trying. Since the cut-off for video submissions is the day before my cc, I can't wait to find out if I get a callback from the cc. So I have to send in before. So I made my video after a week of filming and editing and brainstorming what to do. lol.. I even created something to the last minute. I burned a video onto a dvd and was going to send out the next day, only that night I thought of something else. So instead of sending it, I filmed that idea and added it to the video then burned another dvd. And I send it out yesterday. And OF COURSE I added delivery confirmation! So every so often I check the usps website to see where it is at. So I can expect a call any day after me tell you!!!! The moment I drove out of the parking lot, I was full of emotions! Hoping that I can make enough of an impression on them in the video. Was I outgoing enough? Did I show them how I stand out from the crowd? Did I ever look like I just rolled out of bed? Everything! Excitement because it was coming.
Today was their first day of cc's. So people have been posting if they got a callback or not. Honestly, I've been getting mixed emotions. I mean, I am EXCITED for those that did!!!! And hope they get their dreams came true!!! But then I hear that they are teams, and Im by myself. But, if it is meant to be it will happen. I am just praying that it is meant to happen!!! lol..

I do say though. This whole process has been life changing already. I started this "journey" having a vey bad self image. I hated my body. But this process of deciding to try-out, creating the video, meeting others who also want on the show has helped me to "own up." To accept my body. Now instead of looking at my body and hating it, I am okay with it and know I need to work on it. Know that I dont have to be like this forever. Like I mentioned earlier, I am done making excuses. Even though I DO want to be on the show because I need that extra help (trainers/nutritionist/doc) I know that I can make changes in my life to do the weightloss myself. Sure if wont happen quickly or as efficiently as on BL, but slowly and surely I can. I know this to be true because when I made the decision to try-out, I changed my eating habits. Now therapy is helping that out too, but instead of eating fast food a ton, I barely eat it now. I started Weight Watchers. Seriously this time though. Though I have my slip-ups sometimes, I dont let it get me down like it normally did. I am serious now, and am ready for this change.
So Biggest Loser or Not, this woman will lose weight.

This blog will be about this journey. From the days waiting for the casting call, to (God I hope I make it, but if I dont) days after the CC and so on. It wont be easy I know. But its my life and it's time for me to take charge!