Tuesday, September 20, 2011

To show myself I can do it

**Lose weight to show myself I can do it. I have spent my whole life trying to get to a healthy weight... and instead of maintaining then losing more, its been more of a roller coaster.. leading me to think down on myself and I put up that wall that makes me gain again... it's almost like I'm afraid of being skinny/healthy. I dont know what it is to be skinny.. so it would be a foreign thing at first. I want to conquer this fear and prove to myself I can***

Tonight was the season premiere of the Season 12 Biggest Loser. Can I just say.. AH-MAZING!!! Good stuff... Im already looking forward to the next episode!! And I have a little trainer crush on Dolvett!!! lol... Oh.. Based on the previews, I would be blushing my butt off.. all the cute guys as guests appearances.... phewie... lol...

Im excited for this season!!! And the next one too...lol...

Oh.. and they already are taking interest notes for season 14!! CRAZY!!! Now I know that's not saying they will be casting for it already... Im sure they are waiting a few months... but man... lol..

OHHHH!!! AND>.... My mom FINALLY agreed to try out for Season 15/16 with me!!! Woot woot!! I cant wait... ofcourse by then I hope to be close to the minimum weight theyll accept..But I think it would be AWESOME for my mom and I to do this... (if we got that far ofcourse).

So... onto a good nights sleep hopefully...

oh. p.s. I got 2 workouts in today!! And.. drum roll please.......... I hit my calorie intake/outake goals!!! partay!!! lol...

Monday, September 19, 2011

Play a FULL game of tag w/ my little cousins

* Lose weight to be able to play a full game of tag with my little cousins without getting winded or tired in the first few seconds... ***

I began wearing my Bugg again this past weekend... (round of applause)... I must admit I have not reached the daily output goals or the step goals... Ive been between 100-300 cals short. But I like seeing the deficit lol... thats why I love this thing...

BIGGEST LOSER starts tomorrow night!!!! Sooo excited...lol.. I guess that's another thing the audition process did for me. I get more excited for the seasons. And this is weird (but ya know thats me...Im weird..lol) but it's almost like Im right there with them. Like I was chosen and am an alumni with them... so Im cheering them on. If that comes across in the freak stalkerish way I in NO way mean it that way.... I just feel "closer" to them since Ive been through the process of auditioning... Just imagine how I will be on season 13!! lol.. Cant wait to see the cast of that season too... to see if I'll be able to say "I know that person" or "I met that person"... fun stuff... lol.. Maybe someday this feeling will become a truth... but one thing I know for sure is someday I will not need the show (if i never get on).

The heat is back on for the last week of summer... sadface! But is supposed to cooling down by the time fall hits... MY FAVORITE season!!!!! wooohooo!!!

Patches (my dog) is doing well... we went for a walk around our street yesterday... he did good.. even got to have a little play session with a few of our neighbors dogs... I thought we were "bonded" enough for him to come to me in that scenario.. but no.. he ended up following the other dogs next door and would not come to me when I called him... so.. looks like training for us we will go when I get a job... until then, no free play or dog parks w/out a leash. sadface...

Yep... Just excited for tomorrow night!! woohoo!!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

A Freckle

Note: I am now titling my posts with items from my bucketlist and reasons why I want to lose weight and be healthy. This is being used as tool to help keep me motivated on this journey.

A freckle.... There is a freckle on my ribs that I have always wanted to show off. I know I know that is weird..lol.. But there is something about that freckle.. the placement.. the size... lol.. To be able to wear a bathing suit (bikini or those one pieces that have sides cut out) where that freckle peeks out would be great. lol... I imagine myself having that "OOOHHHH YYEEEAAAAHHH" type feeling..lol..

Anywhoo.. sorry if I just weirded you out.. but eh..

I just finished one of my classes... Abnormal Psychology. I am sad! I loved this subject. Mainly because this subject covers a lot of the issues I will be covering in my counseling. But the class itself was great. For those that dont know, I am doing my coursework online through an online university. This class gave me that actual classroom experience. It was GREAT! The discussions, responses, group work... it was all great. I hope the future courses go as well as this one...
There is only one sad note about this class...lol.. Even though it was my favorite subject so far, it is the first class I am getting a B in with this program. SADFACE!!! lol... At least that is how it is looking.. I have an 88%.. but still need my case study and class review to be graded. But I am not holding my breath to see it get up to at least an A- .. But I am still happy none the less... The experience was worth it.

This class makes the desire to start my career now... I have been checking the job listings daily for the nonprofits... and nothing I can apply for yet...

I could go on for pages..lol.. so I will stop while Im ahead and go onto another subject...

I have dog fever!! lol... I already want to get another dog... To give my current one a play buddy... He is breaking out of his shell now and is getting used to my house/environment and he has started to play.. wOOOHOOO!!! lol.. I was so glad when he did... its soo cute!! ha..

Anyway..on the subject of exercise.. I get a big fat F for this past week!! I havent tracked my intake.. and havent worn the bugg so I have no idea of my output... but my weight has stayed the same... I am thinking about my freckle (HAHAHA) and will wear the band starting tonight! I know I can do this.. I want to... I moved here to focus on me and get healthy... and it's time to! No more excuses... no more putting it off... it starts now....

So next thing I know... my freckle will be on display...lol.. (the song "on display" by the real housewife of new jersey Melissa popped in my head)..

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Day of Remembrance

That is what today is!

Ten years ago this morning, I was 14. A sophomore in high school. I was waking up to get ready for school and my dad had the news on. Breaking news was on, and a plane had crashed into the first tower. I began asking my dad a ton of questions, what does that mean? was it an accident?
Then off to school I went. Going on campus everyone was buzzing about it. Not as much as the teachers, but every once in a while one of us would mention it. Onto the first class and the teacher let us watch the news for class. By this time the second plane had already crashed into the second tower and we witnessed the towers collapse. We also learned that it was a terrorist attack. That was... breathtaking (in a sad way). I remember thinking did everyone get out? Are all the people on the ground okay? What about the emergency responders?
For the rest of the day we had teachers "updating" us on the news but saying we need to try to focus on school/subject. Then I had volleyball practice. So I did not get to get more information until dinner time, 6ish. I got the full information about the numbers rising of people missing, injured, etc. Then the Pentagon and the plane in PA.
When the news stated that responders from Cali were forming to go to NY, I wondered if my dad would go. At that time he was a fire fighter. But he didnt.

From that day to know, whenever thinking/watching/looking at pics/etc I always get an overwhelming sense of sorrow. All those people gone, injured, lost a loved one that day... then add all the families who lost a loved one from them going off to fight for us..So much death... so much hurt... it's just so sad.

In the newspaper this morning, there was an opinion article that I loved! It was in the Press Enterprise, in the Perspective section. Written by Leonard Pitts, he had written it on Sept. 11th 2001. HEre are some quotes that I LOVE!
"Did you want to tear us apart? You just brought us together. Let me tell you about my people. WE are a vast and quarrelsome family, a family rent by racial, cultural, political, and class division, but a family nonetheless. We're frivolous, yes, capable of expending tremendous emotional energy on pop cultural minutiae: a singer's revealing dress, a ball team's misfortune, a cartoon mouse."
"Yes, were in pain now. We are in mourning and we are in shock. We're still grappling with the unreality of the awful thing you did, still working to make ourselves understand that this isnt a special effect from some Hollywood blockbuster, isnt the plot develppment from a Tom Clancy novel."
"You see, there is steel beneath this velvet. That aspect of our character is seldom understood by people who don't know us well. On this day, the family's bickering is put on hold. As Americans we will weep, as Americans we will mourn, and as Americans, we will rise in defense of all that we cherish."

Those were my favorite quotes from his article. The following is my favorite cartoon. There were many good ones in today's comics, but this one sums it all. lol...

"Today will be a day that will live in infamy."

To me, Sept. 11th is a "new" July 4th. Only it is remembered more.

Songs such as Lee Greenwoods "Im Proud to Be an American" and Alan Jacksons "Where were you when the world stopped turning" are both GREAT songs for today!

Prayers to those lost, who lost loved ones, and those who helped.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Beat Goes On...

Random song that popped in my head before I sat down to write this.. lol..

Anywhoo... it has been a week.. my time does fly by... phew... it seems to go faster every year..

So I started using my BodyBugg. that thing is COOL! I never knew how many calories I actually expelled. Even on days where I assume it would only be like 100 cals.. turns out to be a lot more then that.. lol..

But after a couple days into tracking I got sick. Sick with the stomach flu... those things are not fun!!! Augh... I couldnt handle having that on my arm.. it was uncomfortable to me at that time... and I havent put it back on since... sigh. I am still "recovering" a little from it... but thats no excuse for not putting it on.. i just havent done it.

Got my dog!!! My mom thought of a great name for him.. Patches. Because of his coloring, he has patches of color on his white coat. He is a cutie! Went to the shelter to look.. and funny thing is I originally was interested in his kennel mate. But did not like the way it interacted with other dogs, so I decided against it. Then I couldnt decide from the other dogs there so went to the local petco/petsmarts. Only to come back to the shelter... and I wanted to interact with Patches and a couple other dogs... and Patches was moved inside... hehe... and the moment I saw him there in his room I knew he was the one. lol... But I second guessed myself and decided to take another walk around to look at the other dogs I was interested in. Then I finally got a volunteer to get Patches so we could interact.. we being my mom and I with Patches. And I was sold on him right away. He was a love bug. And he was able to listen to me when I told him to visit with my mom...lol.. it was funny. And he wasnt "yappy" or anything.. and he interacted well with other dogs too.. So I filled out paperwork for adoption! So a day full of looking at animals (10am to 4pm)... I went home happy knowing I picked a good one.
Then Tuesday I got to pick him up from the animal hospital (had to get neutered).. Let me tell you. He did not make me a happy camper at night! lol... he kept me up ALL night.. only letting me get 10-15 mins of sleep at a time.. lol.. But the second night was better. He still whimpered a little but not much... and I actually got sleep last night!!! So Im looking forward to when there will be no whimpering..lol.. but he is a good dog other then that. Still have to do some training (for both him and I), but I heart him!

And back to the biggest loser stuff...lol... looking back, it truly has allowed to me to "come into my own"... I feel more confident. Its a lot more then just simply that.. but not sure how to explain it..lol.. Let's just say I am excited for season 14 casting time..lol.. Ill be a few pounds lighter, but plan on being more confident. Just thinking about being an alumn is breathtaking. To have that family... to encourage others... ofcourse the healthy lifestyle I will be living too..lol.. It's like the possibilities are endless... I have ALWAYS... and by always I literally mean always.. wanted to help another person or persons. Now the profession has changed through the years (teacher, counselor, inspirational speaker, teacher, social worker, therapist)... lol.. but the goal was always to help someone better their life. This would be a BIG door opening for just that. To see how Olivia, Hannah, Adam, Ken, Austin, Ali, etc.. are doing just that... It would be amazing to list my name under theirs as a speaker at an event. To be able to run a marathon for a charity. Man... it's just exciting. Now I do realize that it's the lottery with casting... and only one person knows if I will ever make it on the show... but each season casting I know I will be lighter. If I never make it on the show, I cant wait to say at least, I dont weight enough to be on the show. I used to say that when the show first started... Now I get excited thinking about being able to say that. So no matter the outcome in the years to come, I have a good side to both outcomes.

And Patches (my new dog) is going to become one good cardio partner..lol..

"No one can do this but you!"